What I Am

The Capstone project has taught me many important lessons. This experience into the medical field has given me an invaluable perspective had I chosen to otherwise do something else. This project has shown me that being happy and fulfilled is much more important than what any paycheck can endow. But it also taught me the importance of perseverance, patience and determination. And I can honestly say that I, for the most part, did not enjoy working in an office the entire time. And that's all I did. I pushed papers like a mindless drone and I found myself counting the seconds for every session to end.

But then I saw and believed.

I remember feeling so lost and hopeless back in the beginning of this year. I hated the prospect of growing up. I was just afraid at the time. I stood at an impasse at my life. And I did not know which path to take. It was like constantly being chased; hunted, even, at every moment, day and night. It plagued me to no rest and there were moments I wished for them to desists by any means necessary. I was wrong, I was troubled and I was weak. I was ashamed to think despite all my years of schooling throughout my entire life, I still felt like a child still wandering in search of something.

I do not know if I will continue down this path into the medical field. Twenty-five hours of office work does not and will not encompass all the emotions and investments a full-time, trained medical professional has to go through on a regular basis. I have seen and observed as much as I could during my time, however. I studied Dr. Valle and Dr. Lark's every movement. I analyzed and I processed the way they talked, the way the walked, the way they acted and the way they wanted people to perceive them. I do not know how they can do the things they do. How does one work tirelessly every day? How does one work with no sleep? And how does one manage to keep composure in the face of all that? To keep a smile and ask "How are you?" and know full well that you may their only source of strength at that moment? Doctors are healers; nurses are healers. The people who take your temperature and study the hairline fracture in your tibia are the ones who have to endure the grueling task of such work. Has it ever occurred to anyone what toll this has on mental, emotional and physical fortitude of those who have to heal? It is without a doubt noble work, in all earnest regards. But it is a sacrifice I do no know if I have the strength to make.

In my twenty-five hours of mentor work, I would be lying if I said that I felt any less apprehensive. I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid or if I knew where my life would lead me. But I know what I am now. I am young and alive. I have choices and opportunities. I have decisions to make and a new direction in my life. I am a stronger person in my mentality and I have new resolve to accomplish others will not. I am afraid to continue down this path.

But I believe in myself.

No matter what happens, where I end and what I end up doing, I will never forget what I learned about myself this past year. There were many experiences that have helped me know more about myself and what I want to set as a goal in my life. I know for a fact, however, I would not have become what I am now without the Capstone Project.

"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." - 2 Corinthian 12:9