When I got to the clinic in the morning, I once again went through the motions of filing and organizing medical dossiers and charts for a while. When I got the chance to once again meet with Dr. Valle, we very briefly discussed the nature of his profession as a doctor. Obviously, he talked about how this occupation provides a lot of monetary security. From what I can gather by the discussions going on in the clinic, Dr. Valle is very well off. I met and helped his wife move some supplies from the office to her car. I do not want to be a judge of love, but she was very youthful and beautiful, probably ten to fifteen years his junior. I obviously do not know because it would be very rude to ask. I spent the rest of the day filiing more papers, learning how to weigh someone on a scale and how to interpret blood pressure in correlation to heart rates. There is so much to learn. There is so much to do. At the end of the day, I found myself once again asking if this is what I really wanted to do with my life. I always told myself that I would never have a nine-to-five job working behind a cubicle pushing papers just to make an ends meet. I would never be just a single drop in an ocean of uniformality. I would go out in the world and be something. I'm at the point in my life where I have to define what that something is. This does not feel right. I want to learn so much about medicine because the human body is a beautiful thing and I've always held that in my heart. But I'm starting to question whether or not this is the right profession for me. Am I even in the right field? What should I do? Do I really want to do this? I don't think that money is more important than happiness, but at the same time it's easy for me to say that when I'm still living and being dependent on my family. There is so much pressure in my family to join the medical field. My mother, three of my aunts and two cousins that I grew up with are all in or pursuing a medical career. They've always been supportive of the decisions I decide to make. But at this point, is it really a decision if it's already to be expected? I'm scared what they will think of me. I'm scared of what will happen if I fail. And, most of all, I'm scared I will make the wrong decision. Everyone is telling me to just to take up nursing because its safe. My brain says "yes" but my heart says "no". For now, I have to harden my heart and learn eveything I can about this profession through this mentorship. But I know deep down that no amount of time or money will ever sate it until I do what it feels is right.
Time logged for this session: 6 hours
Total time logged: 15 hours
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